Divisions of Labour

I was thinking about this post in the midst of a foul mood.

Over time as a relationship evolves how does the division of labour also change sometimes without us even noticing- when I first moved in with my husband he was horrified when I offered to put some of his t-shirts in with my wash, he firmly told me he was a grown man who'd been doing his own washing for the last ten years and my help was not required.

Now I've been doing the washing for so long that I don't think he can even use the new washing machine.

He also used to cook for me, my colleagues used to laugh at how useless I was in the kitchen and how lucky I was to come home to a cooked meal each night.

Now I've been off with the baby for the past year and I've taken over all of the responsibility of meals for the family.

Cleaning, well to be fair he lived in a shared house and none of them did that much cleaning.

Now, he says I choose to be so picky over the tidiness/cleanliness of the house and not to worry about it so much but I do all of that to.

Being at home with the baby does mean I do have some flexibility to my day, it makes sense to do the hovering seeing as he loves to watch the hover and it keeps him occupied for an hour. But it's not always easy to predict a baby so sometimes things are started and not finished or just plain not even attempted.

At what point did all the household chores become my responsibility? He might (it's not guaranteed) do something if I ask/nag but it's unlikely he'd look at the over flowing washing basket he's about to stuff his dirty clothes into and think oh I'll go and put a wash on that looks full.

I feel annoyed when I think about the things which are just dumped onto me but then when I'm calmer and think carefully about things I also know I can't really complain, over time I've absolved myself of responsibility to things like car insurance, bills, car repairs, anything which belongs in the shed, taking the rubbish out.

Early Bird

I hate mornings.

Really hate them.

About a year before I became pregnant we got a puppy, an addition to our household I wasn't terribly keen on but my husband was desperate for. He looked at other peoples dogs in the same kind of way broody women look at babies.

Most of our friends were married and the wild parties we all use to go to had already firmly been replaced with dinner parties (some food but still plenty of alcohol) but once we had the dog these evenings were cut short, preferring to be awake bright and early for a long dog walk.

We would stroll along while the dog ferreted around in the bushes, watching other couples with their children pushing off road buggies or joggers out on early morning runs, talking about our future and how that would definitely entail children.

My husband has always known I'm not a fan of mornings but clearly he assumed this had changed once we were regularly walking the dog by 7:30am at the weekends.

Now our son is nine months old, for nine months neither of us have regularly had a full nights sleep... between the colic, the reflux and the teething, sleep has been rather elusive. He has to get up for work, I (still) don't have to be anywhere in particular in the morning and even if I do, who says I have to be on time? So I hide under the covers while the two of them have breakfast together, only dragging myself out of bed when he leaves to go to work and I take over baby duty.

This apparently has become an issue of contention, not that he says anything, just mumbles under his breath as he leaves the bedroom in the morning, or coming in with the baby and making pointed comments about "mummy still being in bed". I get that he's up with the baby, I'm appreciative of the fact I can stay in bed a whole extra hour, I know that most of the time when I get up with the baby in the night it disturbs him even if he doesn't have to get out of bed but he knew long before the baby arrived that I am not a morning person.

I know going to work is hard, I remember it even if it does feel like a life time ago, but staying home with a teething baby suffering with reflux isn't always a picnic either and that hour is probably the only hour I'll have all to myself today so please don't begrudge me it.

Jobsh*tes

I never thought I would be in the position where I was out of work and struggling to find a job, I've always worked since I left University but at the moment nothing seems to be working out.

Before the birth of my son, last year, my husband and I moved to the Highlands hoping for a better balance of work/family life, less stress, the great outdoors to explore, plenty of dog walks and a lovely place to have a family.

9 months after the baby was born I need to return to work (if only to fund my crochet habit) and I'm completely stumped. Ideally I'd like to work after office hours, to allow me to spend my days with the baby and minimise child care costs however even getting an interview with a supermarket is proving a challenge. I've half heartedly applied for full time positions hoping I'm not even called for an interview so I don't have to face going back to working 9-5.

Pre-pregnancy I assumed I would just go straight back to full time work, even when I left my job so we could re-locate I carried on with the same assumption and now it's here I just can't face it, don't get me wrong when he's having a melt down, while the dog is barking at his own shadow and I haven't even had a shower yet I'd kill to be stuck in an office drinking a still warm cup of coffee but that feeling never lasts long enough for me to whole heartedly complete a job application.

How do mother's do it all?